feeling-seen - by Michael Bachg

Holes within the family role system

In the above-mentioned sense, children are trying too soon to help, i.e. to take on a high measure of responsibility for themselves and others, even before they have had sufficient opportunity as a child to develop the necessary maturity for this in a friendly dependent rela- tionship with their parents.

These children support their parents way beyond any ordinary mea- sure, hoping or expecting thus to enable their parents to fulfil their parental tasks in a better way than up to now.

Children within such family constellations often give the impression of being strong and appear to be self-dependent at an early stage. This is why their dilemma of experiencing a false role, vacillating between neglect and appreciation, frequently remains undetected.

For instance, after a separation, children often try to comfort or stabi- lize the remaining parent by relieving him or her of certain respon- sibilities, e.g. taking care of other siblings like a parent, making an effort to replace their parent's missing partner, or even adopting a parenting role for their own parent.

It is the aim of our therapeutic approach to trace and correct those tendencies or undesirable developments. Therefore, it is essential for the parents to become aware of their child's motivation to relieve them, and thus consciously and deliberately to prevent those tendencies by enabling themselves to accept responsibility and to fulfil their roles within the family.